in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
