is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
