I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize