Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
