i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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