maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
