Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And then my night got REAL pukey
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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