I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
