I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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