I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
where am i from again
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize