I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
