What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
