The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
