Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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