yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
