So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
