Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
