im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
