Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
