I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
