Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
