He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
