My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
