Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize