Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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