Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
