Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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