we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
