Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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