Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
