I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
