So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dick very happy bro
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
