I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
