I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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