Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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