one two three fourrrrnication!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
