i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I need to calm my uterus...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
