cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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