I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
