i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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