I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
