he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
