My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
