the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Come see our sink grown plant.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is Oprah even human
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
