This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
