My room smells like vodka and shame
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
