Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize