I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
