the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
