I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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