i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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