Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
