I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize