Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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