I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
