okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
