I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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