omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize