Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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