You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
