The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
