I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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