I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he thought i was a dude.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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