I've blown a few things in my day
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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