So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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