the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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