Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
