Is it because I queefed?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
