is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
