Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
