Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize