so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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