Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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