chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
