i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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