"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
