I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
