Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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