he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
